note to self; ;

[kae]

Note to self: don't get tangled up.

Normally screamo doesn't soothe you. Why are you listening to it now? I know the lyrics fit, and the lead singer is bangable, but stop it. Trying to understand vocal fry isn't important to you, right now. What is? Liam is.

... I haven't talked to him in a few days. Sure, we've had short little conversations, but it seems rushed. It's hard to explain. Wow, would you look at that? For once, I can't describe something with words.

I can't stand feeling all of this and having everything we say to each other be based on lies and deceit. I have to tell him, eventually. I'm tired of all of the secrets. Why can't there just be one relationship I have with anybody where there's honesty all around? I know he has other girls. I know he has a life. Girlfriends. Flings. I put it off like I don't care when he does manage to tell me, but every vein in my body burns because of it.

So if he can go out and do all of that, why do I feel horrible about it? I've lied so much to him already, and I just can't lie about Killian. The thing is... whenever we fight, he's always insulting me by calling me names like idiot, whore, bitch, and there was even a "promiscuous skank" thrown in, once. With those words drilled into my head, weighing me down with negativity, that's how I feel when I think about Killian.

I get lost in my thoughts whenever I'm around him, and the physical world disappears. I haven't been around him much, but it's insane how... Wow. He was right. Words can't describe every human emotion. I just don't think art can cover it, either. There are some feelings that just can't be described in any way. I hate this; I hate not being able to find my words.

I've lied to Liam before. I've lied to him about a lot of things. However, as I got closer and closer to him, I have had many truths come out. Why do I have the feeling that he still lies to me, then?

... Go to bed, honey. That's all you need; it'll clear your head. Lay down, pull the blanket tight, cry if you if have to, and for the love of God ignore your phone. The last thing you need is for Liam and Killian to text you. Just do what's right for you. You always had and always will have no one but yourself to depend on. Don't put your future in the hands of one boy that's known as a fucker chucker, or one that's nothing but words on a screen. You're the only person in your life that's dependable.

"Lay your heart down, the end's in sight.
Conscience begs for you to do what's right."

[/blockquote][/center]

[abby]

dear "self"

please don't leave your inane, wallowy self obsessed crap on the classroom floor. it's painful to read, though i did consider throwing up on it. oh and ps, neirher liam or killian like you. have a wonderful day.

- A

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[kae]

Dear Replier,

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for my note to fall out onto the floor. Funny how later when I come searching for it I found this. Now, you'll find my letter in the exact same place.

I'm happy it was painful; it was meant to be. I would have been okay with you throwing up on it. I was just going to burn it, anyway.

-Kae

Post Script: I'm positive that you don't know Liam, not even on the surface, and as for Killian... I don't mind if he doesn't like me. In fact, it would help. I would say to pass the message along, but most girls that know Killian seem to only use the lips between their legs. You're not a reliable source. Sorry.

[/blockquote]

[abby]

self,

you do realise that k's middle name is actually no, it's more fun for me if you dont. anyway i coyuld be wrong... it's funny how every girl thinks she's 'the only one' to truely understand a guy. lol. idiots. oh and it wasn't painful in the 'ohh i feeel your pain sister' way. it was painful in the 'fuck me i want to stab my eyes out with rusty sporks this chick is so full of wank'. oh and hon, pretty sure i'm the best source on all things special k. and that he happens to adore the lips between my legs. and if you're going to be a wanky fake intelectual douche monster, you'll find " Post Scriptum" is more 'correct' and in turn makes you look like a huger toe-rag

- A

[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[kae]

Dear A,

I'll keep that in mind about the PS thing. As for understanding Killian, you've got to be kidding me. The man's harder to figure out than his perma-boner. BTW, I'm sure he does adore the lips between your legs. They're loose enough that he can actually squeeze his ego in there, with some room to spare. Don't think I haven't heard things.

Post Scriptum: You're so bloody twee when you chuck tantys through paper, love.

-Kae

[/size]